Life will forever take us on a roller coaster ride. Sometimes we are on the uphill and sometimes we are heading face first downhill. We aren’t in charge and we have no control of how long each hill lasts, we just have to trust that at some point we get to coast.
I cannot wait to coast.
Life lately has, for lack of a better word, been shitty. Being as it March in Ohio, I think a lot of people can relate. It’s easy to get into a rut this time of year because we are so over gray skies and cold weather. We just want flip flops and sunshine. Rumor has it today is going to be 68 and sunny and just the mere thought of that put a smile on my face this morning.
In addition to the gross weather, work has been stagnant. We are working on a website redesign and while the finished product is going to be amazing, the day in and day out of looking at it, making updates, fixing problems, and having to dedicate 98% of my day to it is just too much at this point. Thankfully, we are supposed to go live on Monday!
The unfortunate part of work being a drag right now is that it is the one place I felt like I was succeeding in. While, I am not failing, I just don’t feel fulfilled. I don’t wake up ready to take on the day. I am literally working for the weekend and I don’t like that feeling. I need to revive my love for my job, because I DO love it, I just need a reboot.
As I head face first, down hill, I am trying to find where the true unhappiness lies. Is it myself? Because I know I am not physically where I want to be in shape? Is it because my heart is open and wants to love someone, but yet I am continually disappointing other people along the way and am convinced to find real love I’ll need to move away? Perhaps it’s that I know I am stuck here for another year until I finish school in a house that seems to be more and more empty each day? I don’t know. Maybe it’s the fact that everyone seems to be moving on with their lives and relationships and I am going backwards.
I am not really sure.
Unhappiness is a new feeling for me and one that I am trying to slowly work myself out of. I can see ways I can start to improve and that starts with myself, spending time in the gym, soaking up the sunshine and pouring myself into finishing school and finding things at work that will push me to feel good about my job again. These are all things I can control and will help lead me to the upbeat, positive, go-getter that I know is in there… just hidden a bit.
I know time and the universe are on my side. I will work through this chapter just like the rest of them. It’s nice knowing that this period is mostly in my control…. I am simply just riding the hill down on the roller coaster, but slowly, I will continue to work my way back up!